“To be in a couple, do you have to put your single self on a shelf?”
        —Carrie Bradshaw, Sex in the City

It’s a fair question, and one that gets asked again in this article, Marriage: Hazardous to Your Career? by Forbes contributor, Selena Rezvani.

One point Rezvani makes that rings perhaps a little too true — most women in business seem reluctant to talk about how their marital status has contributed to (or detracted from) their success. And yet, when and if to get married is a much sought-after piece of advice for young women just starting out their careers.

As Rezvani points out, recent Census Bureau statistics show adult, unmarried women will soon outnumber their married counterparts. With marriage rates declining most drastically for the 18-29 age set, clearly we don’t feel the same need to rush to the alter as previous generations.

But how does the decision to couple up, delay getting hitched, or remain single all together affect your career? Like everything in life, there are no easy answers and pros and cons to both sides.

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Having only yourself to answer to certainly gives you more flexibility. The decisions you make will be your own, and you can make them without the compromises often required in a successful marriage. Many single women will cite that freedom as having been key to their success, feeling that splitting their focus between career and family wouldn’t have allowed them to get where they are today.

Still, just as many will be quick to say that without someone to rush home to, their employers unfairly expect them to put in longer hours than their married coworkers. And the pressure of having to do it all on your own, without the built-in support system a marriage often provides, can be overwhelming at times. Some even feel their colleagues view them differently, seeing a “married woman” as somehow more mature and trustworthy than a “single gal,” however ludicrous that viewpoint may be.

Talk to successful married women and you’ll find just as many differing experiences. Having a supportive spouse has helped propel many a woman to the top of her game. Not only have they gained emotional support, but thanks to the dual income, they’ve often gained an increased ability to follow their passions or go after a second degree, as well. Some studies have even shown that married people receive better performance reviews and earn up to 40% more than singles (although the reasons for this are not completely clear).

Other women will tell you they’ve had to trade a certain amount of career success for their family lives. Many times, the husband’s career takes priority, particularly when relocation to a new city is involved. Too, just as trying to do everything on your own can be overwhelming, so is juggling the competing priorities of work and family. And when children come into the picture, many women would rather trade the high-powered job for one with greater flexibility.

So can you have both a successful career and a successful marriage? Absolutely! Can you forego coupledom and still have a fulfilling life outside of the office? You bet!

The key is to know yourself and what’s important to you. As Rezvani states, taking time to focus and build upon yourself before making a commitment to someone else is vital. So is understanding that “priorities” aren’t set in stone. From day-to-day and year-to-year, you’ll find different aspects of life taking the lead. And sometimes, you just have to do what feels right and not worry too much about how it’ll all turn out. You can handle the outcome, whatever it may be. (Really — you can!)

Setting specific goals for yourself is crucial to getting what you want out of life. But making too rigid a plan can blind you to the opportunities that come your way. Stay open to the possibilities, in both love and work, and you may find the path takes you to where you never knew you always wanted to be.

How do marriage and family fit into your career plans — or do they? What are you considering as you think about your priorities for the future? 

If you’d like to know more about how marrying (or not) has played into the lives of some fabulously successful women, take the Career Gal Road Trip and see the decisions that led them to where they are today.